Knowing What I Know Now: The Advice I'd Give My Younger Self About My First Labour & Birth

If I could go back and sit beside the version of me who was pregnant with my first baby, I'd have so much to tell her.

Not because my birth was traumatic.

Not because everything went wrong.

But because I now understand birth in a completely different way.

I've since trained as a hypnobirthing teacher, supported expectant parents and spent years learning about the physiology of birth.

Looking back, there are so many moments where I'd gently squeeze my younger self's hand and say, "You've got more options than you think."

So here's the advice I'd give her…

1. Stay at Home for as Long as You Feel Comfortable

When labour started, my parents came over to collect our dog before we headed to hospital.

I remember my dad looking genuinely worried.

I completely understand why. I'm his baby. He's not got loads of experience being around women in labour, and like most people, he'd grown up believing that hospital is the safest place to be for labouring woman.

His anxiety rubbed off on my partner, and before I knew it, we were heading into hospital earlier than I now wish we had.

If I could go back, I'd tell myself:

"You know your body better than anyone else."

Home wasn't just comfortable.

It was where I felt safest.

And feeling safe isn't just a nice bonus during labour—it's one of the biggest factors in helping your body produce oxytocin, the hormone that powers contractions.

The longer I stayed in my familiar environment, the longer my body could labour without interruptions, bright hospital lights, unfamiliar faces or unnecessary assessments.

In a nutshell: Stay at home for as long as you can

2. Don't Let the Numbers Knock Your Confidence

When I arrived at hospital, I had a vaginal examination.

The words...

"You're only 2cm."

They completely knocked my confidence.

Knowing what I know now, I'd want to shout back through time:

"No fucking wonder!"

I'd just left the place where I felt safest.

I was now in triage, surrounded by strangers, without my birth partner beside me (this was during COVID times).

My brain wasn't thinking, "Great, let's crack on with labour."

It was thinking,

"Hang on... are we safe here?"

When adrenaline rises, oxytocin takes a back seat.

My body wasn't failing me.

It was responding exactly as it was designed to.

I also now know that cervical dilation tells us surprisingly little.

It doesn't accurately predict how long labour will last, how quickly things might change, or how you're coping.

It's simply one small piece of information at one moment in time.

In a nutshell: Don't let a number define your labour.

3. Water Was Incredible... But I Wish I'd Moved More

Getting into the birth pool felt...

Unreal.

The relief was instant.

If you've experienced labour before, you'll know exactly the feeling I'm talking about.

But looking back, I think I stayed in the water too long without changing positions enough.

Birth isn't something that happens to you.

It's a dance between you and your baby.

Movement helps your pelvis create space, encourages your baby to descend and rotate, and massively helps labour progress naturally.

I wish I'd spent more time walking, swaying and changing positions before settling into that pool.

In a nutshell: Water is amazing... but don't forget to move yaaaa body, gorl.

4. Ask for More Time

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is this:

You can't put a stopwatch on a bodily function.

We don't all pee, poo or fall asleep within the same number of minutes.

So why do we expect every labour to progress at exactly the same pace?

I completely understand why hospitals have guidelines.

But guidelines aren't the same as deadlines.

Looking back, I wish I'd felt confident enough to ask questions like:

"Can we wait another hour?"

"Is my baby okay?"

"What happens if we do nothing for now?"

Sometimes medical intervention is absolutely the right choice.

But sometimes giving yourself just a little more time is too.

In a nutshell: If you and baby are healthy, it's okay to ask for a little more time.

5. If You're Not Sure You're Ready to Push... You're Probably Not

This is another major thing I'd tell myself.

The urge to push is often exactly that... An urge.

Not a decision.

It's like trying to stop yourself from sneezing. Or being sick.

Your body simply takes over.

When my midwife asked if I was ready to push, I remember saying,

"I'm not sure."

Then I was coached into pushing anyway.

Knowing what I know now, I'd tell myself:

"Trust your body."

And of course, every birth is different.

If you've had an epidural or certain medical interventions, the sensations can feel very different and coached pushing may be appropriate.

But where someone has full sensation and is labouring physiologically, research suggests that following your body's natural urges can reduce maternal fatigue and may lower the risk of some perineal trauma compared with prolonged directed pushing.

In a nutshell: If you don’t feel the urge, you’re probably not ready.

The Biggest Thing I'd Tell My Younger Self

Don't spend years critiquing your birth thinking about what you should've done differently.

You made every decision with the information you had at the time.

You didn't know what you know now.

And that's okay.

Birth isn't about getting a gold star for doing everything perfectly.

It's about learning.

Growing.

And taking those lessons with you, whether that's for another baby or simply to help another mum feel a little more informed than you did.

If reading this has taught you anything, I hope it's this:

Birth isn't something you simply get through. Understanding birth changes everything.

If you're pregnant and want to understand why birth works the way it does—rather than just hoping for the best—that's exactly what I teach in my hypnobirthing courses here in Glasgow.

My goal isn't to promise a perfect birth or tell you what to do. It's to help you feel informed, confident and able to make decisions that feel right for you.